bazoink.

remember when we got lost driving to wakefield and we ended up in gatineau or some other frenchy-french area? it felt like we'd entered a whole other universe inhabited by very tan people who used a lot of hairspray, smoked a lot of cigarettes and ate patates frites. we peered out from inside the beetle, making a list of all things we determined to be french. we knew they had a vastly different sense of humour (slapstick, sound effects saying 'BAZOINK' and lots of clowns) but we saw no evidence of this from the road.
there is a quebecker in my class.she's hilarious and i heart her. she stomps her feet when she laughs and uses her hands a lot when she talks. we must add those to the frenchy list.

tabernac.
buzzzzz.

frenchy.

dear metis,

i guess you're not, in fact, a racist. especially because you stayed with dublin's only black man. lots of non-racist points for that. although, you lost a few when you played on the stereotype that your metis heritage makes you want to drink lots of 50. you didn't lose any points for telling me that i smell like a french person. i'm french and i still make fun. it's allowed. they like it. if they didn't like it they'd stop acting (and smelling) so french all the time. and annoying the hell out of us all with these referendums.

je ne suis pas un oiseau. et, zut alors.

le stick.

Calendar alert.

Please be advised that tomorrow is Dad Joke Day.

you're welcome,
spanky millionaire

Spanky’s rebuttal

Dear Indian-hater,

RE: FRIENDS. May I remind you that I am Metis? And it has come to my attention that the Bulldog is also Metis (which explains our mutual yet independently fostered love of 50). Furthermore, considering I have only three friends, and they were all made in Kingston, it is statistically probable that they are all whities. And sluts.

RE: ATTITUDE. Ben Chin was a shitty newscaster. That is why he is no longer a newscaster. Ian Hanomansing, however, is hot and can read news good. I believe he hails from the Pacific Rim (heh, rim). He is also tall and one of my top CBC imaginary boyfriends. Mmm.

RE: MUSIC. I’ll thank you to refrain from drawing my precious Beatles into your non-sensical ramblings in the future. They are not to be tainited by your ridiculous bullshit.

RE: BED-PARTNERS. You know I’ve only ever had one bedpartner. He is Metis, as discussed above.

RE: TRAVEL. You will recal that between living with Christian Kane and finding my own flat, I kept a room in the home of The Only Black Man in Dublin. Andrew was a salsa dance teacher who was also in the business of re-selling stolen bikes. You will remember the tale of my first day in the house, when a knock came at the door and a peek through peep hole revealed two small oirish boys, not more than 10, standing with a bong taller than they. I did not open the door. I froze, silent, waiting for them to retreat. Suddenly, a hand grabbed me. It was the little scums reaching in though the door’s mailslot, grabbing at me and calling “ay you darty slappa, where da fook is Androo? We wanna sell him dis bang ‘ere. Et gets ya fookin’ high”.

Such was life at the home of The Only Black Man in Dublin.

RE: FAVOURITE PLACES. Admitedly, the dominion and the toucan are completely exclusionary and very elitest. Indeed, you do have me there.

In closing, the majority of you allegations have been found to be baseless. Furthermore, at least I’m not a cripple-hater like you are. (Also, you smell like a french person.)

I say good day, sir!
-spanky, friend to cripples.