bee. in love.

sticky sez:

dear spanky,

all of those things - the cliches about the sting of being single being felt most acutely when you see a couple holding hands on the beach or some shit like that. i don't feel it then, i feel it most acutely in a pub. is there anything better than having a little corner in a dirty pub with your love -- getting drunk and mildly inappropriate before you go home together for hours of ridiculousness in bed...or...on the counter?

feeling sentimental,
sticky bee

also: it doesn't work with randoms. i can't DO that with randoms. sticky has morals. catholic morals. you know, those 'morals' that make you a raging perv with church-loads of 'kilt'-laden repression. THOSE morals.

i do. until i find a new boyfriend. or get a promotion.

you mean your marriage that ended after a few years? no, no. i thought nothing of the sort.

actually, spanks, i didn't. i just hoped for the best. and that was years ago - i was WAY less cynical about marriage unions than i am now. i had less experience with the myriad reasons people get all gussied up and make it legal. i thought it was only l-o-v-e. ahh, youth. now i know that it's a lot of neuroses, insecurities, convenience, tax benefits, or quick fixer-uppers for stale relationships. not ALL, of course. i still love marriage. especially all that stuff you get - how else am i going to acquire a crock pot or a fondue maker or a food dehydrator?

can you send me over some 50? i have a lot of studying to do and i need it. in my mouth.

always the groomsman,
sticky bee

hey . . . wait . . .

you know how you said that when you heard led was getting hitched, you were, like, "they're solid. usually, when i hear people are getting married, i give them 2-3 years until breakup. not them . . ."

and just now, i was like, "hey, did you think that when i got married?"

also: you're a fag.

Police: After quickie wedding in Vegas, Utah groom hits bride with car
Published: Thursday, March 8, 2007 | 3:28 PM ET
Canadian Press

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - It wasn't the most romantic of honeymoons. Police said a groom is in jail, accused of trying to run over his new wife after a weekend wedding in Las Vegas. "We have a wedding certificate for (March) 4th. They were still honeymooning when he ran her over," said Lt. Paul Jaroscak, a spokesman for the Salt Lake County sheriff's office.

Police received an emergency call Monday from someone reporting a couple fighting in a car as they traveled on Highland Drive, about 10 miles southeast of Salt Lake City. Katie Martindale, 29, apparently got out of the car and started to walk away when James Olwine, 33, drove off the road and hit her with the car, pushing her into a snowbank, Jaroscak said.

Martindale was not seriously injured but might have a broken leg, Jaroscak said.

Olwine was booked into the county jail on charges of aggravated assault with a vehicle, the lieutenant said. It was unclear if he had an attorney.

Both have jail records and are "well known to the sheriff's office," he said.

important acid washed update.

i got, like, an e-mail forward that introduced (faux) barbie doll representations of GTA residents. The concept was gay and poorly executed and served only to reinforce negative stereotypes and rampant sexism - women in oshawa are sweaty rednecks, women in oakville are shallow airheads, etc.

however . . .

the otherwise fagotty email was notable for its inclusion of the hamilton barbie, who is noticeably kitted out in acid washed jeans. this helps to further establish your argument of february 21 (see "my monkey" post) that acid washed is not, in fact, re-emerging as a trend and that i am only noticing its renewed prevalence because i am a relative newcomer to dirty hamilton, where the style has never faded from public favour.

you may be on to something, sticky.

thoughtfully musing and subtly placing my hand high on your inner thigh,
spank

shit.

i got to write an article on happiness when all i feel like doing is stabbing my eye out with a eight inch long serated knife, the kind that would easily glide through fresh baked bread. or my neck.

i think it's finally lunch time.

bye,
spank.

hahaha.

oh - i see you've responded to my challenge. you forgot:

bloopers of any kind (remember what would happen to me just recounting to you what i had seen on a bloopers show?...sad)

america's funniest (gloomy groom, etc.)

people tripping or falling (your pavement-skidding disaster, cat falling out of the parked car)

you on a horse (hyperventilating, flask in hand)

the squirrel scene in christmas vacation

...but you still win a pogo. just one. but a good one - from the fair.

xo
sticky bee

...

i'm here - just on my way to work. i don't feel like doing much of anything either. unfortunately there's too much of to-do. got an email with a photo in it of some of the o-town guys playing at the manx. makes me miss the o-town.

signing out,
sticky bee

oh wait.

i forgot about this pogo challenge. things that make you laugh:

1. farting strangers
2. the word 'retard'
3. people carying cases of beer on their bikes (oh wait - is that me or you?)
4. brownie tooth
5. wolvies
6. pontificating on world events while drunk and engaging in pbn
7. eye glasses with only one lens
8. chinese people

does that mean eight pogos for me? 'cause i'm fully going to collect. and none of those soggy mini-pogos either. REAL pogos. maybe we can get them at the fair.

also: i think it is very racist of you to always laugh at chinese people. i dream of the day i can take that off the list and we can all live in peace and harmony.

gayly,
-spanky

mr. barker to the rescue.

what are you doing? i'm at work and i'm totally bored. i think i have late-onset february blahs. don't feel like doing anything. not even, like, drinking a milkshake. or having a nap. nothing.

acutally, i wouldn't mind watching the price is right. under a blanket. and maybe eating some ice cream or something. but besides that, nothing.

that is all,
spank.

pump.

Hey,

i cc'd you on the email i sent to the local flight school re: tandem trikes. also, just remembered that one of bulldog's best friends is a helicopter pilot in north bay. i'll get bulldog to pump him for information on how we can do this. for free.

also: heh. pump.

-SPANKY MILLIONAIRE.