no, seriously.

did you ever see that sol show, with the frenchie hobo clown that i was talking about the other day? or was it just me, stuck up north with only cbc and tvo?

youtube that shit. that was a shitty, shitty show. right up there on dr. who's creepiness level.

bad times.

anyway, i may have stumbled upon the perfect drug cocktail for all manners of goodness. i popped a regular-strength claritin at lunch today in response to a nagging feeling of mild malaise, which has contributed to my 6:30 p.m. bedtimes of late. naturally, i was worried that i had misdiagnosed my ills and would hence be burdened with the toe-curling anxiety antihistamines bring, along with said mild malaise. not so. actually, i feel really relaxed. like, cool, but not in a fonz way, more in a macluhan way. so pay attention: i recommend two ultra mega GMC vitamins and two shoppers drug mart brand night time sinus alergy pills at bed time. then a claritin in the a.m. I think the regular-strenghth is probably key.

also, i think this recommendation will take the place of my hi-fiber cereal review this week.

looking forward to your sting in the eye,
spanky millionaire.

reminisencesess.

dear bff,

did you know that ed harsh no longer minds the keys for the crowes? it is true. he left the band a few days before i saw them in atlanta last summer. hey - i have some nice film from that. perhaps i will post it. with me singing along (SOMETIMES! SALVATION!).

did you like the way i said 'minds the keys'? i'm a real wordsmith, eh? eh? i could also have pulled out 'tickles the ivories'. that's an especially creepy one. anything tickle-related is firmly in the domain of creepster diddlers. (like your dad.)

you ready to rock the house for st. patrick's day? frig, whoo! and: frig. hey, remember that st. pat's day we went to the manx in the a.m. and ended up staying the whole day, just sitting at the bar like old men? them were the days, eh?

in closing: ah, fack.

spanky.

also.

the fly on my pants is broken. it will not. stay up.

enjoy,
spanky

my next boyfriend will look like conrad.

dear ed harsh,

yeah - i struggled with a nickname for him. i'm not all down on it - i think it's a fact that it wiil never be so...gooey...again. i'm not saying i won't fall in love again. i believe that will happen. (it happens just a little every friday with your dad. when he takes out the paddle.)

becky's guy sounds solid. smart. gainfully employed. chinese. and, as becky says, 'he's not asian where it counts'.

ahem.

she's doing her auditing in spain. working like a real grown up. and getting drunk.

wb again!

almost in love (i believe, i swear),
sticky

boob.

dear gay lovesickened homo,

stop gushing on about ridiculous brain chemistry and the fools it makes of us. love like becky's is totally for gays. it's a gooey brain chemistry facade that is doomed to wane, and when it does, she'll look back in horror, embarrassment and regret at what a boob she was to have ever spread for whatever lame ass she's moist over now. sadly, by that time she will already be on a lease with him/infected with his syphelis/waiting for him to pay her back $400/etc.

(wait - is she reading this? er . . . 'cause i mean the other becky.)

and then, into agony aunt mode:
i don't know why you're always lamenting that you'll never fall in love again like you did with mcjv (that's a crap nickname, btw) since you're so bitter and jaded that it didn't work out. what makes you think that it can't happen again, this time with a sunnier outcome? i believe you do be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself. in order for it to happen, you have to believe it can happen, blah, blah, blah.

what the fuck is cat doing in spain? what goes on in spain? ibiza? ibiza's cool and right on.

re: conrad. i know! suddenly, he's, like, the hottest thing i've ever seen. mmm. and: yeow!

your firmly bi friend,
spanko

manly sexiness. like your dad.

deary spank,

here i am. i'm back.

went out with cat and becky last night (cat leaves for spain tomorrow). becky's in love - stupid in love. i hadn't been around someone like that in ages - you know, all glowy and gushy and delirious. unable to stop smiling or talking about him. sex-drenched and smug. like the first time. and it is, for her. first time she's been in love. totally reminded me of the first months with mcjv. isn't it devastating that it will never ever be like that again? i hope it can be, but i don't think it's possible now that we've alll been out the other side of it - the part where your guts ache for a year because it didn't work with that person due to any number of complicated factors. like the fact that you always knew he'd live in st. c's. who the hell could live there, anyways?

yeah, conrad is effing handsome. when did this happen? brimming with manly sexiness. swagger and money and confidence. now THERE is a man who could convincingly take me over his knee. ohhhhhh, yeah.

wb!
sticky bee