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sticky bee sez:

spanks,

i'm writing this essay. that means i'm checking my email a lot, jerking off, having some wine, staring at a piece of cracker on my desk, braiding my hair, thinking of your dad, pushing that cracker along slowly with my finger, doing my nails, finding websites that tell me about things they can do with science... and now...writing to you.

when i checked my email i deleted spam. one was titled "SKIMPY PROSELYTIZE" and it caught my interest. maybe this one is really meant for me, maybe skimpy proselytize is the one i should open. they almost got me. if i were to send you spam the subject would be "DAD PORN! MOUSTACHED AND MAKING-IT". you'd open that for sure.

busy with important academia,
sticky bee

bff

dear spanky,

i'm staying in my bedroom tonight to write an essay for my roomie. it's dry in here but i can still hear the sound of that incessant, choking, drowning, unending rain. some sort of a record, they say.

i wanted to say thanks for your thoughts this morning on my problem of the day. you helped a lot. really. and saved me from writing an entirely regrettable email.

you're the very best friend i could ever hope to have. and, sometimes, i even get benefits.

love you,
sticky

...

sticky sez:

the fishn'flush IS exciting. and entertaining. more for boys than girls. i'm adding it to my list of things to buy and stare at when i retire.

buzz.

you, too, can be an inventor.

my day began with the receipt of this press release:

Fish n Flush Aquarium Toilet Tank Brings Decorative Twist To Bathrooms

(Westminster, California) - It's a unique new product whose decorative appeal could turn the bathroom into the most talked about room in the house. The Fish n Flush is clear two-piece toilet tank that replaces a standard toilet tank and cleverly contains a fully functioning aquarium inside. The Fish-n-Flush's insert can be filled with water for fish or left dry for use as a terrarium for a pet reptile or to house colorful plants or foliage. . .

. . . AquaOne worked with a marine biologist to develop the technology and produce a certified working aquarium. Fish-n-Flush comes with gravel, two plastic nine-inch plants, a dual filter system, LED lighting, a built-in feeder, fill valve, overflow tube, flapper, suction pump and two screws.

Why Choose Fish 'n Flush?

• Maximize Space
• Entertainment
• Excitement

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what fish wouldn't want to live out its life balancing precariously over its inevitable watery grave while being splattered by piss?

jesus. christ.